Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Flower Girls & Ring Bearers

This is a favorite topic of mine - ask my daughters and they will tell you.

I happen to be one of perhaps a few people that do not think children under six should be participating in a wedding ceremony and I am curious about what others think. Am I wrong or am I right???

The first and foremost reason why I feel a little one shouldn't be in the ceremony is because I believe it is way too much pressure for a 2 - 3 yr old to face as they stand at the head of the aisle and everyone turns and is smiling waiting to see what she/he will do. It is a recipe for disaster - and I have personally seen it happen too many times. In fact I have never been to a wedding with a child in the wedding party where something doesn't go wrong. I was the head teacher for a two year old nusery school program for eight years and I feel I can speak with some authority on at least 2-3 yr olds. I have actually called it child abuse at times - why inflict that on a little child when they don't have the maturity or the grace to handle all that attention?

I don't understand when a couple have spent so much time and money to create a wonderful and special ceremony that they are willing to let it be destroyed in the blink of an eye by this little person. This is the bride's day - a really special day - why does she want to share it with a little munchkin? A very cute but possibly out of control child. I have been to weddings where the flower girl walked around the altar while the minister talked and almost set the bride's veil on fire by tipping over a candle holder - I (who never make a scene) yelled out, "Watch out!!!" - that one was really freightening.

One wedding we went to the flower girl walked around - climbed up on the platform - called to the people in the bridal party - we couldn't even hear the couple reciting their vows because of her behavior. I really believe weddings are a momentous time in your life - sacred and meaningful - a time of happiness - why should the guests be sitting there worrying about what some little one is going to do next instead of paying attention to the ceremony?

When I was married I had the church nursery set up with babysitters so the parents could enjoy the ceremony and the kids could play - and there weren't any crying babies or children talking out loud during the ceremony.

I love children and babies - but - I also believe in letting them be children in the right circumstances and not putting undo pressure on them.

Thank you for listening -


Kiki said...

I can't believe you blogged might be disturbed mommy, millions of people like to have children in their wedding and probably they go off without a hitch!!! For example, Caed??? See, it can work out without incident and be precious. I love you but I might disagree, and an adult should be able to discern when it would be appropriate to have a specific child in their wedding.
(The tone of this comment is meant in love, my mom knows I like to bait her with this topic.)

Teresa said...

You bring up a VERY good point! I have never looked at it that way before but I think I agree now. I always thought it was so cute to have little ones in the wedding but never once thought about how much pressure they were under. I have seen many weddings where the children were brought out after they did their fact Logan was in my SIL's when he was just 1 years old and the plan was to bring him out after he walked down b/c both me and Chuck were in the wedding party. So, that tends to work well but like you said...we need to consider the pressure that is put on them.

I did have 4 little ones in my wedding and nothing went wrong so I guess I'm lucky...those situations you described would indeed be distracting and angering if that happened to me!

One thing I think is that by having the little ones in the wedding party is that it's kinda like a picture of what's to come for the couple...little ones...and oh how cute it is to think of the couple as a Mommy and Daddy but what they fail to see is that it's NOT A BED OF ROSES!...LOL! But...hey, we'll let them be ignorant on their wedding day! LOL!! do bring up a good point though and I guarantee I'll think about you every single time I attend a wedding with youngins.

MommyK said...

I think it depends entirely on the child and the wedding. I have been to weddings where the flower girl was all gung ho until she realized she had to walk down the aisle in front of all those people. And others where the flower girl wasn't the slightest bit shy and loved it. A friend of mine had an informal beach wedding where all the guests were barefoot and people stood around in the background in bathing suits to watch. So it wasn't a huge deal when her flower girl got a little nosiy.

That said, I didn't have little kids in my wedding.

Chief Rock Chef said...

Well I have never been one for big fancy weddings anyway - ours was a small and simple as we could get away with. Our own kids provided the 2 bridesmaids and 2 page boys (we didn't rush into the marriage, you see),you youngest being 3 but he didn't have to do anything other than sit there and look cute.

The thing is, there is so much that can go wrong with a big wedding that giving a 3 year old an important job is really just begging for disaster, isn't it?

Claire said...

Ohhh Kiki - It can work out - and it can be adorable - but - it is the same reason I don't like roller coasters - it can ruin the whole moment - and Caed had to be watched over by someone else during the ceremony and he did great - but it is still a lot of pressure for a little one.

Teresa - I say dress them up and bring them in for the photos and the reception - !!!

MommyK - I totally agree that the beach - casual wedding is fine - it is the formal - aisle walking - standing in front of everyone in a large church or venue experience that puts the stress on the situation.

Rock Chef - my ideal wedding is a great big family/friends party with everyone gathered around and celebrating the couple and it sounds like thats what you had.

Anonymous said...

Or you could just elope to Vegas...

Claire said...

Heather - I just want you to know that you made me laugh when I read your comment! Love to you - Mom